Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
