There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
