Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
