I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
