My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
