So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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