Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
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But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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