People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
