May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
