Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
