she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i've created a new STD.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
