So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
