dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
