I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize