I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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