she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
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Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Found the puke drawer
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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