I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This is my gift to your gina
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize