i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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