He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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