i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
