I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
