So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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