i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I think my moral compass just broke
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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