I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
