And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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