i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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