its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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