you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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