after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
