they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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