Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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