How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
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I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
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He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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