I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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