I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
oh god the rape fog is back!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
