Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
