Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
