Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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