just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize