the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
