i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
