Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
