my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
