Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize