She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
and she was petting her beer can
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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