I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
