ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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