There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
