whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
