During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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