Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize