my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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