is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
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It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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