we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
