Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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