The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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