Your dad touched me again.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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