this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I need mimosas to revive my soul
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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