Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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