he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize