Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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