I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
