You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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