Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
