I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize