if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
