Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
its not stalking. its research.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
