Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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