I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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