I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
