so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
