It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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